How to Say "No" to a Prospective Parent

The moment of truth has come. You are getting ready to tell a parent who wants to enroll in your family child care home you don't want her child in your program.

What do you tell her?

I think the best answer is, "I don't think this is the best place for your child at this time."

If the parent asks for specific reasons, don't elaborate. If you feel that you must say more, you can add, "It's not personal. I try to make decisions based on what's best for each child, and I have a feeling that your child would be better off in another child care program." The parent can't argue with your intution.

If you try to give the parent a reason, the parent may feel insulted. She may even think you are discriminating against her if you say the wrong thing.

Unfortunately, many child care providers have trouble following my advice. Some will tell a parent, "I'm waiting to hear from another family who I interviewed earlier this week. If she calls me back I won't have a space for your child."

There is a problem with this response. What happens if a week later this parent sees an ad you posted on Craigslist? The parent is likely to conclude that you weren't honest with her and feel insulted. She may make a complaint to your licensor. So, I don't recommend doing this. 

How have you handled saying "no" to a parent?

Image credit: weddingdestinationcolorado.wordpress.com

For more information, see my book Family Child Care Contracts & Policies.

 

Comments

[Amy Varab]

I have only had to do this once.. it was the shortest interview ever.. I ended up telling the parents that it simply wasn't going to be a good fit in my program.. They did not argue or question me, and interestingly enough, they left feeling the same way. You have to look not only to your interest of filling a spot but also to the interests of your current clients as well...as the old wives tale goes, "one bad apple spoils the bunch." Not that kids are bad apples, but unwanted/chronic behaviors from one child can contagious among the other children in care.

[Alba Anders]

This is great advice Tom!
But I have encountered many prospective parents who are not honest with ME during the interview process until the papers are signed or sometimes even after the child has started attending -then the truth comes out that the child has some horrible brain tumor/disease, behavioral problems that would endanger younger children, serious bowel disorder that causes the child to lose control of bowels..etc..!! I have a difficult time just giving up on children but when the parents have not been honest from the first interview then I feel I should have the right to end the contract immediately because of their dishonesty. What do you think??

[Tom Copeland]

As a general rule, you can terminate families for any reason or no reason. However, you can't discriminate against children with disabilities. So, if you find out later that the child has a disability, you must find out what it would take to provide reasonable accommodations for the child. The fact that the parent lied during the interview cannot be used to terminate a child with a disability. This doesn't mean you have to care for every child with a disability. You need to find out what the child needs. If the child needs one-on-one care and this will cost you $500 a week, you don't have to provide the care. If providing the care would create a "significant difficulty or expense" to you, you can terminate the family.

[Nicole]

What about future infant openings. I interview several pregnant families for an upcoming infant opening. How do you suggest saying no? I may like several of the families but only have the one spot- its not that I don't feel they would be a good fit. Any suggestions. I always feel badly since it is so hard to find infant openings.

[Tom Copeland]

You can say that you accepted the one family because you interviewed them first (if true), or because they were a better fit (without explaining why).

[Playmobil Modern Living]

It is best to be honest with them. When you say, this is not a best place for their child, try to refer them another child care home that can assist the needs of their child.